So, here I am, spending my summer in college town where the students make up (at rough estimate) at least 80% of the town proper. So, I'm serving as an RA, moving all my things in and managed to scrape together an outfit...if a dress and heels, with NO JEWELRY, can be considered an outfit.
But I digress. So then as I struggled today on the bus ( I refuse to pay $4 for gas and carpool with my friends. Of course we always go halvsies on gas!) to regain composure and sanity, and in the process, a middle aged man, weathered by physical labour and in attire that would suggest that he was about to engage in such occupation, took the liberty to strike up a conversation.
"Hey yo girl," he shouts from the back of the bus. Instant turn-off."No, not you." He moves closer, obviously I don't look engaged enough in my phone dealings.
He continues: "Hey you, in orange." I was wearing about the only orange thing I own, an sherbet orange Isaac Mizrahi pleated jumper. I've had it altered several times, but it always ends up being 2 sizes too large.
"You, ahh-- You pickin' pumpkins?"
"Mmm, not yet." I replied succinctly. I hoped to politely convey a certain air of disinterest while not losing face to a complete audience of strangers. I'd be here all summer. Who knows when the creep would turn up again? Ew.
"Oh, I see, I see. So you ah, so you--wanna get my number so you can call me sometime?" Please no.Please no.Please no.Please no.Please no.Please nooooo.
"Hmm, Thanks but no thanks." Things were getting strange. Please get off soon, please get off soon. dear God in heaven please make him NOT get off at the same time as I do. I will gladly miss my engagement today.
"What are you THE DEVIL IN HELL? Why can't I get you to smile? WHAT THE HELL?"He was screaming. How, how embarrassing. I bent my attention back to my phone to keep from staring at him in shock and awe. I suppose the corners of my mouth bent sheepishly upward did not count as a smile? God, are my thoughts not screaming loud enough?
*Ding* he pulls the string to indicate the next stop. My screaming thoughts were loud enough. Thank you God.
Phew.
"So I guess, I'll try again next time?" His mood was markedly significantly more deflated "Bye bus driver lady." Awkward.
So I guess I have a pimp daddy that rides the bus and hangs out at Kroger for thrills?
Total Winning.
Till soon, a very flustered and put-upon,
Southern Fashionista
